"To be successful, you must have the three C's:
Conviction, Creativity, and Courage." -Tara Marie Segundo, M.A.
We all set goals and we all want the best for our lives. Many of us fall prey to self-sabotage and become our own worst enemies. Why? What are the barriers that hold us back, and how can we break free? These barriers lie between your life right now and the life you want.
If you lack self-worth, at some point in your life someone taught you that you are not worthy. As a child, we believe that which we are told by others. Many of us were given messages that we are not worthy and have less value than others. We internalize the idea and buy into the lie. The good news is that anything that can be learned also can be unlearned.
You were put on this earth to be great and to make a contribution to the world. No one is here just taking up space. Bishop T.D. Jakes says that we have to step out of our HISTORY and into our DESTINY. You have a gift, and your duty is to identify your gift and do something good in the world with it.
Barrier #2: Feeling Unworthy
If the subconscious self-limiting belief that holds you back is lack of self-worth, only YOU can fix this. This is the tricky part. No one else can make you feel worthy or give you self-esteem, as both come from the self.
People who feel unworthy have thoughts of this nature:
“I want a raise at work, but who am I to ask for more money—there are people more talented than I am at the office.”
“I want to be in a satisfying romantic relationship, but who would want me—I don’t bring much to the table.”
“My boyfriend is disrespectful, but I’m scared to be alone so I’ll just put up with it.”
“I want to lose my excess weight, but I feel guilty taking time for self-care.”
When you feel unworthy, you not only accept less out of life, but you also accept behavior from others that you would not, if you valued yourself.
Breaking through the barrier of feeling unworthy:
Acknowledge that a feeling of unworthiness exists. If you have a hole in your soul that nothing can fill, you feel unworthy. If deep down you feel this way, no accolade, person, job, or achievement will fill this hole…not money, nor a career, food, shopping, sex, a big house, a big boat, etc—NOTHING external will fill the void created by the feeling of unworthiness because ultimately, you believe that your life has little value.
Many, if not all people who are addicts, are trying to fill the hole of unworthiness because a cousin of unworthiness is self-loathing. When you engage in a self-destructive behavior like an addiction, your own sense of value is askew and you can bet that you don’t like yourself very much.
Once you identify that you feel unworthy of goodness in your life, challenge it. Is it really true that you have no value to this world or is it a message that you internalized because someone in your life told you this was true, and you believed it?
Just because someone tells you something does not mean that it is a fact.
You and only you can break the bonds of this barrier, and it will happen when you accept that you are a child of a God who is great. You inherently have greatness within yourself because of this. Oprah always says, “You are worthy because you were born.” For some of us, believing this will take time and effort.
If you feel unworthy because when you were a child someone you trusted devalued you, acknowledge what happened in detail and challenge your feelings using your adult mind. Is what you were told about yourself really true? You are not what happened to you.
Steps to break through the barrier of feeling unworthy:
Self-esteem and a feeling of true worthiness can only come from within YOU.
Nobody can give you self-esteem or a feeling of worthiness, as they both come from the self. Self-esteem comes from hard work, discipline and overcoming obstacles. As we gain self-esteem, we also gain a new sense of value.
Self-mastery will build self-esteem and confidence. You have to give up your fear of failure and take some risks. If there is something you truly want to do, go for it. If you fail, get up and try again. Life is a game of odds, and every failure gets you one step closer to success. I’ve had far more failures in my life than I have had successes, but I know that I needed those failures to learn important lessons.
Give to others and help people in need.
By giving to others who are not as fortunate as you, you will realize that you have value because you have something to offer the world—you have something to give that someone else needs. Often when we believe that we lack value, it’s because fundamentally we believe that it doesn’t really matter whether or not we’re here on earth. When you give to others in need and help with a generous spirit, it’s medicine for your soul. You will know that you have value and purpose.
One of the fastest ways to feel better about who you are is to take your focus off of yourself and your own life. Make your life about helping other people. We all have something to offer, and when you are actively contributing to the betterment of the world, you will heighten your sense of purpose and value.
The main idea to remember is that feeling unworthy has roots in messages that were implanted in you, likely at an impressionable time in your life. Challenge these feelings that are not serving you. When you investigate, you will find that you believed information that was not based in truth.
If you are here and breathing, there’s a purpose you’ve yet to fulfill. Your job is to find it and live it!
Shine on and make use of your time on earth!